First day of the rest of our lives

As if words could ever even remotely do justice to the emotions that have overcome me the past two days, I will write. I will try to write to document my family's first experience with separation.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Just a trite quote to some, but today, that phrase holds pretty true. Today, June 2, 2011, my husband caught a 0530 flight to Quantico, VA for Marine Corps Officer Candidates School. I am bursting at the seams with pride. He is pursuing his lifelong dream and to say he is an inspiration would be a vast understatement. He is taking the first step today in building a life for his family. I am overjoyed, overwhelmed, over-everything, but my heart would tell you much different. I had kept bottled every ounce of sadness I had in anticipation for my perfect husband's inevitable departure, that is, until yesterday. (Maybe if I had faced my emotions beforehand I wouldn't have been such a hot-blubbering-mess right up to the second my husband boarded a Delta flight right out of my summer.) I expected some of this- the crying, the immediate knots in my stomach, the feeling of helplessness, etc... I didn't know my heart would ache for Richard. Knowing that I can't be there to support him when he is at his weakest. The impending mental breakdown he will imminently face, he will have to face alone. The thought of abandoning the one your soul yearns for leaves you in a very gray, guilty, and anxious place. Not to mention Adelyn. Our precious, perfect baby girl. She lives and breathes Daddy. Without him here, I face so many challenges. Our 18 month old thrives on our family dinner dates and frequent tosses from Daddy onto firm mattresses. Will she immediately know he's gone? Will she cry herself to sleep? Or worse... will she even notice him gone at all?

I dropped off my beautiful husband this morning at 0430, Adelyn wide awake in the backseat. (I can only assume it was her teething/stuffed up nose/intuition that coincidentally brought her out of sleep around 0330) Richard kissed Adelyn and Paisley goodbye, got a couple more pictures and stepped out to unload his big forest green old school army backpack. Loaded down with athletic tape, antichafing creams, boots, polos, skivvies, etc., my sweet embraced me for a minute. I could tell he was ready to let go and get inside to meet his buds... while I on the other hand, could have stood there in the middle of the no-park lane for 15 years holding my love.

I cried the whole way home. I laid Adelyn back down to sleep. (Luckily she fell right back to sleep) I crawled back into my warm queen sized sleigh bed but this time as only half a person, the other half still waiting around at the terminal. After only having had 2 or 3 hours of sleep, I expected to pay no mind to the devastation that had just rocked my world and ease back into my dreamstate. Not a chance. I laid awake in my bed nuzzling my entire body in the fetal position into Paisley's underside. She offered warmth but no words of encouragement, unfortunately. Come to think of it, I don't think I could have heard any words at that moment that could lift the weight of my heavy heart in my chest. It peaked when I heard his airplane fly right over our apartment. "He's really gone," I thought.

When I finally dozed off, it was only for what felt like moments before I had to be up and 'at em to open up the store. I dropped off my sweet Adelyn at daycare before heading to work. I took one look at Adelyn's teacher and started to well up with tears, admitting to her, "Adelyn's daddy left for the summer this morning." A conversation ensued about the Marine Corps, why on earth he'd want to join, and how her husband was retired Marine Corps.

Work was good, of course. Took my mind of all things personal, minus the few conversations that I would have with my friends about how I appreciated their support and welcoming any and all help with Adelyn.

I got off work to go snag Adelyn from daycare. Seeing my daughter is like seeing the fruits of my love with my soulmate. Physical, tangible manifestation of the commitment and companionship I've formed with her father. I want ten more just like her. I have vowed to not be sad around her, so as always we try and find a good song to dance to on the radio as soon as I put her in the car. We danced wildly, passersby surely believing I had no business on the roads by the way I was flailing my arms and head around my minivan.

Later that evening, I got really brave. Adelyn and I made a trip to Wal-Mart for groceries. I try to avoid shopping trips that exceed 10 minutes with Addie, much less without Richard. However, we literally had no food in our apartment. I figured tonight would a good a night as any to get in there and handle her plus a buggy full of stuff. Ohhhhhh, I was way out of my league. Let's just say: Adelyn:1, Mommy:0. Although she threw fits in the mile long checkout lane and dumped an entire bag of goldfish in her carseat on the way home, I didn't mind all that much because I felt like a real Marine Corps wife in the making.

Made dinner for the first time in a while. Rich always cooks for me, which is good because he's much better. Adelyn ate nothing but a few pieces of cheese, some peanuts, and some apple juice. I am pretty sure her little cold has affected her appetite today. After a hellious diaper changing battle and a emergency trip to CVS for a replacement passy, we settled into jammies and read the two books that Daddy recorded for Adelyn to read. She knew it was his voice and kept saying, "Daddyyyy!" Bittersweet. We read On the Night You Were Born a few times and then switched over to Guess How Much I Love You? We read that one about three times before I noticed that Adelyn had sunk into a limp, sweaty, slightly twitchy-from-deep-sleep angel in my arms on the couch. My heart smiled so big. She literally fell asleep to her father's sweet voice and the lull of its monotone was just perfect to ease her crankmeister mind. He is amazing. So is she. I am constantly in awe of just having the sheer pleasure of watching her grow and being a part of this family. To be a peice of her puzzle is the best gift I could have been given.

I have had earphones glued to my ears the entire day. Before Wal-Mart the three of us went on a walk around the neighborhood. I sang aloud while walking, Adelyn danced while tucked tightly into her camoflauge stroller, and while Paisley tagged along. I hear your voice, Richard. I hear you through these songs and I feel you if I close my eyes tight enough and pretend you are here with me. I love you so much. Day one down, 69 to go.

Income and exhaustion go hand in hand!

A few weeks ago, I went back to work at the restaurant I had worked at since I was 16 up until a month before I had Adelyn. I had taken 8 months off. I had always intended on going back much sooner, that was until of course, we discovered that Adelyn was 100% Mommy's breastfeeding buddy. (That's a whooole 'nother story. I'm starting to think her nursing obsession has little to do with nourishment and everything to do with comfort and being Mommy's little sidekick) So instead of hopping back into the restaurant business, we have been living humbly yet comfortably on Richard's salary alone. Well, our very small company opened a new store at a new location just 10 minutes away from my house, and with this opening (which was a rough one, I might add) I had the bright idea of going back to work. I would only work no more than 4 hours, as Adelyn would protest if she had to wait a minute longer. Richard would keep her entertained and feed her jar food while I'm away. It's been a few weeks now, and I must say that I am seriously enjoying it. I'm a very young mom. I'm 21. This social interaction alone is doing wonders for my self-confidence, me and Rich do very little socializing in the last year. I'm only working about 20 hours a week but boy, my body is definitely feeling every minute of it. Although I consider going to work my "break" from baby, as soon as I walk in the door, Richard voluntarily relinquishes all responsibility from Adelyn and on I go to nurse, nurse, nurse and chase her all over the house. I am one tired mommy these days.

As for my angel baby,

She is incredible. She has had no problem with being away from me. Daddy has a special way with her. So I guess with nursing, it's out of sight, out of mind.

She was, however, driving mommy absolutely NUTS the last week or so because she was refusing to sleep and fussing 24/7 - but come to find out, her second tooth was cutting through.

She is just 8 months yesterday, and she is blowing me away with how brilliant she is. She claps her hands (upon command), waves bye-bye, gives high-fives, points at things with her index finger, and says: mama, dada, num-num, bye (only sometimes), and baaah (for ball). At her 6 month check up our Ped. told us that she was 1-2 months advanced and I am ashamed to say that I think I had very little to do with it! We do use "Your Baby Can Read." She loves the video, but mostly for the music and the pictures of kids. In other words, my 8 month old still can't read, ha!! It's just a cute video and one I don't mind watching during the day because I at least know that it is educational.

We're still nursing like mad and I don't see an end in sight. Hmph. We'll get there when we get there, I suppose!

The One (Half) Toothed Wonder

Today we experienced a milestone. The tooth. The tooth I thought we would be expecting months ago finally made its debut, but this time, without all the fuss. (Turns out all that fussing a few months ago was just because... well, I have a somewhat fussy baby :-P) I assume it just popped up overnight. Granted, I'm not digging my fingers around in her little gums everyday. Tonight I was feeding her some sweet potato from my finger and felt a little sharp bump. Alas! The tooth. I'm wondering how long it will be before it fully emerges?? ....and how much will she suffer before it is mature ??

On a different note, the last week has been pretty much hell for me (as far as sleeping arrangements go.) We just moved into a new condo and got rid of our old furniture but we're still shopping for a new recliner. The recliner/rocker plays a key role in our bedtime routine, but since we've been here, we've just been winging it. She is too big now to nurse sitting up. It is uncomfortable for me to sit up, stick straight on the couch with her squirming around so we have been doing the side-lying position all the time. Even in the daytime usually, we'll just flop on the bed and feed. I don't like this arrangement either because we end up both falling asleep there. Before we moved I was doing sooo good about getting into better sleep habits with her. (By that I mean not letting her fall asleep on the boob, making sure she stays in her own bed all night, helping her sleep longer stretches at night) But I feel that all of our progress has been lost. It can't all be because of our lack of recliner, can it? I don't know. Something here feels off. Maybe it is just because she's just not a good sleeper and never has been. Or maybe it's because nursing is getting kind of old to be honest. I feel a little bit, (OK, a lot bit) trapped by being her only source of milk. And her nighttime escapades have taken their toll on my sleep for far too long.

All of this to say, with last night came relief. I don't know how or why or what got into that little booger, but she slept from about 1am (Yes, I know, wayyyyy too late for a 7 month old to be up and galavanting the living room) to 12 pm this afternoon without waking up one single time to nurse! It was an absolute miracle. I just put her down for the night and I am hoping for a repeat. Or at least a good 6 hour stretch!!! The last few days she has begun to crawl and maybe it is wearing her out more during the day. Hmmm.

Anyhow, til next time,
The webb tribe :)

Meet the Webbs

Hi! My name is Andrea and I am the mother of a beautiful, brilliant, and extraordinary 7 month old baby girl named Adelyn. I am a little late starting this, I know, but I debated for a long time whether or not to start a vlog instead. I opted for this route because I don't have to get dressed to do it. :)

Adelyn's Dada happens to be the man of my dreams. My husband Richard and I have been married for a year, together for 4, and have been relishing in the simple pleasures of parenthood since December. We live in the panhandle of Florida and enjoy being 10 minutes from the beach and taking our dog to Dog Beach. (No oil in our bays!) Paisley is a Pitbull-Rottweiller mix, and as fierce as she sounds, she is just the sappiest, most obedient lap dog you will ever know. And with almost as much personality as her sister Adelyn.

I decided to start a blog to document the little happenings in our daily lives. I am so bad about sitting down and scrapbooking, but I am online a lot so I figure updating a blog would be a more accurate and interesting record.

Richard is pursuing his Master's degree currently in ultimate pursuit of a flight slot in the Marine Corps. I have one more year 'til I can claim an Undergraduate degree for my own. I have been a stay-at-home mommy since Adelyn was born, but just this past week I have picked up a few shifts at the restaurant that I had worked at since I was 16. I don't think I'll ever outgrow it. :)

Adelyn is a 100% breastfed baby, and yes, all on the breast. No bottles. We waited the 4 weeks that the hospital suggests as to prevent nipple confusion. Well, by that point she was hooked on the real thing and refused anything else. Just the last couple months have we been able to introduce the pacifier. Sippy cups and bottles are toys to her, nothing more. We are still working on it, but it has been the biggest struggle for me personally on our journey. I'm sure we'll talk much more about boobies henceforth.

All our Love,

The Webb Tribe